Monday, June 17, 2013

Leggo Your Ego

Who hasn't been the recipient of someone yelling, "Hey! Watch me!" Maybe it's a child about to dive into a pool for the first time. Or the 2001st time. Or Gerald O'Hara in "Gone With the Wind" who yelled to his wife as he prepared to jump a fence on his horse, "Ellen! Watch me take this one!" Then there are the millions of musicians-in-the-making -- those who try out for "American Idol" or "The Voice" and invite you to every performance -- "Hey, watch me!" And "Hey, listen to me!" I want to be seen! I want to be heard! I have something to say! I matter -- please pay attention to me!

Is that what blogging is about? Or writing books? Or telling stories via video on YouTube? What's the difference between ego -- "Hey, tell me I'm cool," and connection -- "Hey, have you ever felt like this?"

When I have wanted to watch people, my motivation has always been connection. Whether it's pasting on a fake smile because I've heard it or seen it 100 times already, or whether I'm truly fascinated by what I am hearing or watching because it resonates with me -- my thought is not a judgmental "Are you any good?" My thought is "I care about you, and what you are communicating matters to me."

This is harder today with so many people having access to my attention. I have to pick and choose. I can't pay attention to everybody. There are too many people. So I "demo" things -- videos, TV shows, songs. At the first impression, I decide if I'm going to add it to my list of things I pay attention to, or pass. It's kind of like dating. My filter is not about quality. It's about what speaks to me (if it's a stranger), and who I want in my life.

I heard a story once about "Joe Special." That's the kid whose parents told him he is more special than anyone else. He cuts in lines. He cuts you off on the freeway. He yells at the waiter. The moral of the story is that instead of telling your child he is more special than anyone else, tell him that he is more special TO YOU than anyone else. Value does not come from how many people think you are special. It does not come from how many Facebook friends you have or Twitter followers you attract. Value is not a numbers game. People who play that game look like the guy with the earphones spinning the sign on the street corner. They are seeking popularity. It's not value. It's ego.

I don't want to be that person. I want to be authentically myself. Tell my stories through blogging, songs, and whatever else strikes my fancy. If who I am speaks to you, we connect. If you are an axe murderer or a psychopath, our connection will stay distant. Self-preservation is the first law of nature. I don't have a magic formula for anything. I just have my heart to share. And so do you. I hope by sharing mine, I inspire you to share yours. Speak your truth. Let your voice be heard. Trust in attraction rather than promotion. People love to tell their stories. I, for one, volunteer to listen. To watch. To care. I dare you to put yourself -- not your ego -- out there.