Friday, October 25, 2013

Subconscious Humor

Have you ever tried to be funny and failed? My typical back-pedaling line is "that was funnier in my head." But sometimes I'm successfully funny. I was talking to a fellow female singer who was uncomfortable when people whisper to each other while she's singing. You're pouring your heart out in song and people whisper, glaze, look unaffected, or whatever. It can be distracting. I told her I've been there -- and you never know what they are thinking. I've watched people just stare with a bored expression while I'm singing. Then they come up after the event and say, deadpan, "that was great." And I want to say "tell your face!" When I told her that story, she spit coffee. Truly. I love those moments. Any day that I make someone spit coffee is a good day. Unless I do it without trying. I have a gift for subconscious, unfiltered, unintended humor. So here is my most notorious story.

On a nice sunny weekend back in the late '80s I stepped on a bee in a friend's yard. Lo and behold, I am allergic to bee stings and my foot swelled up and big red streaks traveled up my entire leg. I went to the doctor and it took a long time to heal. It was so bad that I had to use crutches to go to work. So I was in the elevator with an employee who just happened to be in a wheelchair. He had no use of his legs and limited use of his hands. He was a kind-spirited soul with a good sense of humor. His name was Craig. He asked what happened to my leg. Sheepishly, I said "I got stung by a bee." We had a bit of a chuckle before exiting the elevator.

A few weeks later, I was again in the elevator with Craig, and I was no longer on crutches. Settling in for a ride to the 16th floor, he asked how my bee sting was healing. I said, "at least I'm walking." Yep, that's what I said. In the elevator with no way to escape. It was a very quiet ride. And slow. Seemed to last years.

It's kind of like saying to a blind person "you should have seen that!" You don't realize what you are saying. You don't mean to be insensitive or hurtful. It just pops out from some brain cells that put it together and hope the wiser brain cells will catch it and reformat. But the inappropriate words bypass the filter and just come right out the mouth into someone's ears. Why can't that be the moment when you're graced with ambient noise that causes them to say "huh?" and give you a chance to regroup and rephrase? It NEVER works that way.

I've had many of those moments, but have gracefully forgotten most of them. I had one last night. There's too much context needed to share it. I just filed it under the category of "when on the spot, I tell the truth." Then, quickly change the subject. Or walk away (unless you're on crutches, then limp away) I guess the lesson is that it's okay to take a beat before you speak. Give the "higher self" brain cells a chance to come to the party. Then the unintentional sick humor can be enjoyed in the privacy of your own mind. That is a much better place than in an elevator!