Look at the Kitty!

What is it about us humans that makes us seek comfort so fruitlessly? There is no such thing as a comfort zone. At best, it's short-lived. It is not a lofty goal. Change is constant. We all know these things in our heads -- but our little robot bodies still hold out hope. I love my new job. I'm happy. After only two months, two key executives have resigned. New leadership will come. In the meantime we go along as we have been and hope for the best. It happens so often that you accept a job with a certain situation and then the circumstances change. We face the unknown. Yet, even before this happened, a job is still only one day at a time. Discomfort is a state of mind. I don't have to choose it. But the little two-year-old who lurks in the back of my brain is stomping her little feet and sad to say good-bye to a wonderful boss. Hopefully soon she will be distracted by something bright and shiny. As Bob's mom used to say when she was trying to divert his attention from something negative -- "look at the kitty!" And he'd start searching for a kitty. Good plan.

Memorable moments

Somehow it popped into my head to make a list of my life's most memorable moments. What an enlightening exercise. The results surprised me. Most of my entries were connected to a "who." Many were connected to a "where" -- as in taking a trip. I tended to gravitate toward events that made me laugh rather than cry. I guess I'd rather remember the rainbow than the rain. Then I ran them through the filter of "why." And I looked at my motivations. The answer to most of the why's is "because it was fun." Nothing wrong with fun as a motivator. But after my pastor's teaching on Revelation today, I wondered how much of what I've done was for me, for others and for God. He also said life should not be a burdened trod but rather a spiritual dance. Dancing to please God sounds good. Win-win. Because I believe we are just visitors to this planet and then go on to eternal life through the grace of Jesus Christ, I wonder if I could look a little closer at the "why" of my actions. Which ones have an eternal impact, and which ones are disposable?

I've cleaned out homes of loved ones who have passed away. It doesn't feel good to go through their things and throw stuff away. I don't want a disposable life. I want to impact people. But only in concert with pleasing God. I'll be in His presence much longer than I will be on earth. I want to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Do you?

Gamma Phi girl, I miss you

Almost Like You’re Here
Words & Music by Sue Lopez

Three a.m. I’m going down the stairs again
The snow is falling and I catch a chill
I light the candle on the desk and
See your photo on the windowsill

I remember nights when I would wake up just like this
I used to love the quiet time alone
Now the shadows swallow me
And I’d give anything if you were home

It’s almost like you’re here
I can almost hear you whisper in my ear
The angels heard my cry and when I close my eyes
It’s almost like you’re here

I pull the jacket you once wore around me
Hum a song I know would make you smile
I can be with you tonight and hold you close
If only in my mind

And it’s almost like you’re here
I can almost hear you whisper in my ear
The angels heard my cry and when I close my eyes

It’s almost like you’re here
I thought I heard you singing high
Upon the midnight clear
You live inside my heart no matter where you are
It’s almost like you’re here

Relationship Longevity

Watching my loved ones go through relationship struggles and divorces has led to thoughts about how we pick our partners and what makes relationships last. And I had an epiphany -- look beyond the situation. I used to think that meant one more way to rationalize staying in an unhealthy relationship, and that you're supposed to accept the unacceptable. Now I think it makes sense to apply it before you commit to someone, not just after. I truly believe if you make a wiser choice about whom you marry that the chances you will stay together are better. You don't marry a "situation." You marry a person. Okay, I sound like I'm lecturing. Let's try another approach. I can remember some bad reasons I got married or considered marrying someone. 1) I'm ready, he's ready, and our lives seem to fit together (now). 2) His ex was such a mess, I know I can be better for him. 3) My finances are unstable and he has a good job. 4) We live close, work close (or even for the same company) and have so much (situational stuff) in common. Then the job changes, or the finances go south, or character issues suddenly become visible. Why so suddenly? Because I wasn't looking for them in the first place. Situations change. Character usually does not. I wish I had taken a much deeper look and been content to work through my own imperfect situation until the right person for me came along. I'm not saying all my exes had bad character. I'm just saying that wasn't what I was looking at, and I should have. When I was engaged to someone else long ago, a lady asked me why I was marrying him. My first response was "look at my ring." She said, "It doesn't matter." I chose not to listen. But I always remembered it. And she was right. I love who Bob is, not what he has. Not the gifts he gives me. Our circumstances have changed a lot since we got married. There's no change in my commitment level to him, because it's based on what is unchanging in him. I am sad when I hear women talk about men as if they are walking wallets. Look a little deeper ladies. Character is golden, and it lasts.

Seeking Happiness

To all my friends who helped me through while I was in career transition -- thank you! To all my friends who are going through it -- I'm here for you. I found this little gem of a book called "When am I Going to be Happy?" by Penelope Russianoff, Ph.D. The subtitle is "How to Break the Emotional Bad Habits That Make You Miserable." Isn't life hard enough without us bringing ourselves down? Here's an excerpt:

"Inertia is the hand that depression uses to hold us in its grip. What usually happens is we become too emotionally exhausted to want to fight back, too listless to overcome our despondence. We don't feel like putting on the "Smile Mask" to get through a party. We begin committing social suicide. Difficult as it is to do, we can reach out to our friends. A real friend -- an honest and compassionate friend -- can have enormous therapeutic value. And a good friend is a lot less expensive than a therapist."

It's really hard, but you just can't let the bad guys win. Every positive thing you do for yourself is a hit at the bad guys. When the bad guys are winning, your loved ones are probably losing too. It's easy to slip into self pity and "learned helplessness," where you don't try, and soon you lose your confidence.

Several things worked for me. 1) Being honest with those who really care about me and accepting their help, 2) Praying -- a lot -- and believing the answer would come, and 3) Faking it! I went to Christmas parties even though I couldn't even eat any of the goodies because my stomach was in knots. I still showed up and put my game face on. Same thing with job interviews. I pretended I was the person my cat thinks I am.

My heart really goes out to everyone who is struggling with this right now. The economy stinks. It WILL change. Hang on. You are not alone.