Relationship Longevity

Watching my loved ones go through relationship struggles and divorces has led to thoughts about how we pick our partners and what makes relationships last. And I had an epiphany -- look beyond the situation. I used to think that meant one more way to rationalize staying in an unhealthy relationship, and that you're supposed to accept the unacceptable. Now I think it makes sense to apply it before you commit to someone, not just after. I truly believe if you make a wiser choice about whom you marry that the chances you will stay together are better. You don't marry a "situation." You marry a person. Okay, I sound like I'm lecturing. Let's try another approach. I can remember some bad reasons I got married or considered marrying someone. 1) I'm ready, he's ready, and our lives seem to fit together (now). 2) His ex was such a mess, I know I can be better for him. 3) My finances are unstable and he has a good job. 4) We live close, work close (or even for the same company) and have so much (situational stuff) in common. Then the job changes, or the finances go south, or character issues suddenly become visible. Why so suddenly? Because I wasn't looking for them in the first place. Situations change. Character usually does not. I wish I had taken a much deeper look and been content to work through my own imperfect situation until the right person for me came along. I'm not saying all my exes had bad character. I'm just saying that wasn't what I was looking at, and I should have. When I was engaged to someone else long ago, a lady asked me why I was marrying him. My first response was "look at my ring." She said, "It doesn't matter." I chose not to listen. But I always remembered it. And she was right. I love who Bob is, not what he has. Not the gifts he gives me. Our circumstances have changed a lot since we got married. There's no change in my commitment level to him, because it's based on what is unchanging in him. I am sad when I hear women talk about men as if they are walking wallets. Look a little deeper ladies. Character is golden, and it lasts.