Love, love, love. We all need it. So many people are hoping to find it. And a lot of us have gained and lost it. And found it again. What’s the secret? Is there a magic bullet? Nothing like a broad subject here. So I’ll narrow it down. 40+-something midlife love. Dating with baggage. Can you afford to get remarried? What about your kids’ needs for your time and money? Does your ex still push your buttons? Do you just want a bootie call? I mean, seriously, let’s get real. Some people want a sexual credit card. Enjoy for free, run when payment is due. Back to dating. Hoping for the best. Feeling like you’re half blind and searching for gold in the darkness. Tripping over things you can’t see coming. Wondering about the timing of things in your life.
Aren’t we supposed to find that ideal someone in our 20s, have kids, launch them when we’re in our 40s, and recapture the freedom and glow of fresh love grown richer over time? I envy the ones who found their true love that way. Others waited, found love later, and made life work outside of the ideal time frame. The patient ones.
However, the more common story is marrying Miss or Mr. “almost right” in the prescribed time frame with suboptimal results. You buy stuff and have kids. It keeps you busy and distracted from the unsolved relational issues. Then some deal breaker comes along – money problems, an affair, an issue pushed too far, or just that dull ache of “there must be something better.”
I’ve been there. And the real issue was my faulty decision making. I wish I had gone to decision school. Wouldn’t that be nice? “I have my bachelor’s in wise decision making.” There is no universal magic bullet. The closest I have come to untangling this one is rigorous self-honesty. And the realization that the arbitrary time frame is bogus.
Someone once said “be the man your mother wanted you to marry.” That’s convoluted. But I get the essence. Be all you can be. Then hold out for someone worthy of you. No credit cards. Put all your cash down on the right number, then spin the wheel. I hope you win big.
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