Crossroads

I find myself at a crossroads of my life. One chapter has ended and a new one has not begun. It's not as simple as making up my mind and pursuing a goal, because I want to make sure God is in this and I don't want to run ahead of His plan for me. He sends me signs -- open doors, closed doors. It would be my nature to just pound harder on the closed doors, in fact, to bang my head against them. Lack of determination has never been a problem for me. Until now. The mixed signals are not making any sense. A door seems to open, I take a step -- make that call, reach out, whatever -- then -- nothing. No answer. A person who offered to help is suddenly unreachable. So I try another door. I feel unanswered. So the answer may be "wait." Take time to be still. God answers those who seek Him. It's like putting popcorn in a pan, turning on the heat, but it won't pop. Or like an airplane on the runway that doesn't take off. I have wonderful friends and loved ones who care about me. I am grateful. They do what they can. But no one else eats your food for you, feels your feelings or wears your shoes. We are individual travelers on this earth. We are all in it together, yet we are separate too. These feelings are not unique. And I'm not complaining. But to be honest, I feel very awkward in a stage of "wait." It feels so passive. It would be so much more comforting to know what to do rather than to wonder. No one can answer this for me. And that is a lonely feeling.