Alcohol

I can make anybody pretty
I can make you believe any lie
I can make you pick a fight
With somebody twice your size

~ Brad Paisley, "Alcohol"

I have not had a drink of alcohol in 11 days. It's not like I was getting sloppy drunk or hurting anyone. I did not have the typical alcoholic's epiphany that I was out of control and must stop drinking for life.

I simply thought, "how will I feel without alcohol?" There are many answers to that question, and the revelations keep coming. They are so fascinating that I want to go without one more day just to see what else I might discover.

At first I felt deprived. Then I felt anxious. How do I settle down after a long day of teaching/traffic/pressure etc.? Answer: Find another way to chill. And after I do, I sleep better. And, I wake up feeling better.

I made some adjustments so that the deprivation does not overwhelm me. I made dessert and ate it. I'm eating more of the things I like and concerning myself less with calories. This is temporary, but necessary for balance.

The primary difference is how I feel spiritually. I feel more at peace, more connected to God, more open to receiving His guidance, and more available to my loved ones. I'm not "checking out." I'm more aware of what I did with the day -- the whole day -- rather than just the "working" part. I want to call people, go places, be with people, and experience more life. And this feeds on itself -- magnifying my engagement in life. Life is getting fuller, bigger, and more rewarding. There are more "sweet spots." And I remember them!

My memory is better. There are fewer embarrassing moments. I'm saying "did we talk about this yet?" and "did I tell you this story?" less. I'm hearing, "yes, you told me that before" less. And, because I'm more engaged, I have new stories to tell so I don't have to rely on the old ones. I believe this is a key to staying young at heart and not becoming like so many older people who bore others by repeatedly talking about the past.

I hope this reactivates my Jones to write songs again. I've missed it. As long as I'm alive, I must express the music inside me.

I'm also more aware of how much alcohol permeates commercials, songs, movies, television shows, people's conversations, and what many consider "a good time." The hope is that alcohol enhances a good time. However, like the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "...alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful."

Singer-songwriter Josh Wilson put it this way: "I'm thirsty, God I'm thirsty, from drinking what destroys me, I'm pouring poison in my cup. Everybody says we're oh so different, but everybody knows we're all the same, we're all looking for a pill to kill the pain."

Alcohol is tricky. It over-promises and under-delivers. It sneaks into your system like a worm that can eat away at your soul. When it wears off, you are still thirsty.

This is where I am on Day 11. More to come. I hope.