Focus on the Future

I’d love to write a recap of 2010. Actually, I’d love to want to. But I think I have broken the habit of looking back and I’d rather look forward. I’ve taken some time to count my blessings. And I’m grateful to have an awesome job and a wealth of love in my life. I’ve removed some thorns and done some pruning. My foundation is solid. Now I’m ready add some posts, beams, and framework to the life I want to build. Here’s my list:

Healthy eating and drinking. Keep a sober mind.

Aerobics classes.

Embrace learning.

Daily quiet time.

Pursue creativity in everything.

Be intentional about what I read, watch, and listen to. Seek the positive.

Nurture my spiritual life through learning, serving, and tithing.

Do some fun stuff with Bob.

It’s going to be a great year! God wants the best for His kids. I believe it and I claim His promises. Arise, go forth, and prosper. Love and peace out.

Holiday Sanity

Every year I brace for the holidays with the belief that I will not get stressed out, I won't overeat, I will keep working out, and have faith that all the necessary chores will get done. Maybe the end of the year is like the end of life. You think of all the things you didn't get done and try to cram them in at the end. Gigs, activities, people to see, things to buy. I booked us for not one, but two gigs next weekend. (well, the Saturday gig is just me -- playing piano for a few hours at an open house for charity) I can't remember when my company holiday party is. I'd like to do a photo holiday card but not sure which photo is right. And the presents -- my mind is just blank. I do know I want to wrap them in "green" canvas grocery bags. They really make great gifts. Both Bob and I are going to take the week between Christmas and New Year's off. So that's something to look forward to. We need a plan. In fact the secret of getting through this season is stepping up the planning. Not that there's no down time -- but just a little more so that the important things are sure to get done. Take a little quiet time each day. Remember I've lived through 50+ Christmases so far and it all gets done somehow. Breathe in peace, breathe out stress. Ohmmmmmmmmmmm...Peace out until 2011.

What's important?

Steven Covey wrote in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People about prioritizing time into four quadrants: Urgent and important, urgent and not important, important and not urgent, and not urgent and not important. (why am I hearing Edith Bunker recite that in my head?) Apparently the key to effectiveness is focusing on what is important and not necessarily urgent. Where does Facebook fit? (I digress) Back to my question -- what is important? An even more annoying question is how do you define importance?

In a word, people. Relationships. (oops, two words) That doesn't mean I constantly spend time with people. It does mean I don't blow them off. And how I spend time with them matters. Do I really listen? Do I perform acts of service? Am I trustworthy? Do I do what I say, walk the talk, practice what I preach? Except for the preaching, those actions nurture relationships. So that begs the question what tears them down? Being too busy to pay attention. Focusing on my own problems too much. Nagging. Neglecting. Forgetting. Sometimes churches are so activity-heavy in the name of caring for one another that we get overcommitted and neglect our friends. "I don't have time for you because of church." Now if that isn't the enemy using church to do harm, I don't know what is!

I know that if my own inner well is empty, I'm no good for anyone. So it's important to put God, the ultimate well-filler, first on my list. But do I? Um, many times I'm just "too busy." He doesn't want my time for Himself, because He has all the time in the world. It's for my benefit to put God first on my priority list. He may have some things to tell me that I'm too busy to listen to. When I blow Him off, I'm playing God with my life. That's a lot of pressure, and it doesn't work. So in this case I'd say it's important to practice what I preach. And to remember that God loves people more than anything. More than anything, He wants them to know He'd rather die than let them go. I don't remember who wrote the song that said that, but thank you. I needed to get my priorities straight today.

White space

I’ve been sort of blog clogged lately. I hope if I start typing some little insight will ignite and light up the page. I’ve been nose-to-grindstone the past few weeks and today is my first chance to take the bridle off my brain and let it wander in the pasture. I wonder if horses feel like this when they’re suddenly set free. Maybe that’s why they bolt. I could go for a good bolt about now. Just clean out the bank account, pack a few things, head for the airport, and just go somewhere. An adventure. Bolt, panic, pray. A one-way ticket. Greener pastures. Sunsets. Rainbows. Clear, warm water. I am probably overdue. Funny how we look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas as a break. But they’re not a break. Just a change of focus. And have you ever tried to travel on either holiday? I’d rather be at work! So I will start dreaming of a real vacation after the holidays. Beach or mountains? All-inclusive resort? (no grocery runs, no cooking, no dishes—nice!) Put a little white space in my life. Palm trees. Coconut oil. Pineapples. Macadamia nuts. Okay, this blog is meandering. But I’m smiling. Are you?

Love Floats

Obama’s Facebook post today:

“Today, there are more women in America's workforce than ever before, and their contributions are vital to the success of our economy. They have tirelessly balanced responsibilities to work, family, and community, strengthening our economic leadership and enriching our national life.”

My comment:

“We are not tireless. We are exhausted.”

I can cite all the reasons and my personal complaints. The economy tanked. Layoffs escalated, fear gripped our souls, and bullying bosses took advantage of the situation, throwing humanity overboard sinking ships, keeping the bare minimum and cheapest employees and overloading them with excessive and unreasonable responsibilities. I make less than I did at age 29 and it costs five times as much to fill up my gas tank. Even with two incomes we struggle to live within our means, and must take side work to pay for extras like tires, property taxes, and home repairs. And we don’t have minor children at home – no soccer fees, cheerleader uniforms, or daycare costs. Self-employed people have it worse as health insurance costs are skyrocketing. A self-employed friend of mine can’t afford insurance, had a heart attack, and now can’t work. I’d love to lower my expenses. But my home is worth $150,000 less than I paid for it, and selling it now is like giving that money to the bank. And I’m one of the lucky ones who still has two incomes and hasn’t had to foreclose. Anyone feeling me here?

Do I feel my contribution is “strengthening our economic leadership and enriching our national life?” No. I feel like I’m putting band-aids on the Titanic, and I sink further every year. I think most of us understand how we got here, but we don’t know how to patch up the ship. How do we find happiness in our sinking dreams? My faith gives me a larger perspective, and helps me remember that life on earth is just tent camping. I can still love, care, laugh, and help others. It’s hard to let go of the expectation that success is possible with hard work. I guess I need to redefine success. No matter the obstacles, love is a choice. To love well is to be successful.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

―The Bible : 1 Corinthians 13:4

The Dance of Romance

Love, love, love. We all need it. So many people are hoping to find it. And a lot of us have gained and lost it. And found it again. What’s the secret? Is there a magic bullet? Nothing like a broad subject here. So I’ll narrow it down. 40+-something midlife love. Dating with baggage. Can you afford to get remarried? What about your kids’ needs for your time and money? Does your ex still push your buttons? Do you just want a bootie call? I mean, seriously, let’s get real. Some people want a sexual credit card. Enjoy for free, run when payment is due. Back to dating. Hoping for the best. Feeling like you’re half blind and searching for gold in the darkness. Tripping over things you can’t see coming. Wondering about the timing of things in your life.

Aren’t we supposed to find that ideal someone in our 20s, have kids, launch them when we’re in our 40s, and recapture the freedom and glow of fresh love grown richer over time? I envy the ones who found their true love that way. Others waited, found love later, and made life work outside of the ideal time frame. The patient ones.

However, the more common story is marrying Miss or Mr. “almost right” in the prescribed time frame with suboptimal results. You buy stuff and have kids. It keeps you busy and distracted from the unsolved relational issues. Then some deal breaker comes along – money problems, an affair, an issue pushed too far, or just that dull ache of “there must be something better.”

I’ve been there. And the real issue was my faulty decision making. I wish I had gone to decision school. Wouldn’t that be nice? “I have my bachelor’s in wise decision making.” There is no universal magic bullet. The closest I have come to untangling this one is rigorous self-honesty. And the realization that the arbitrary time frame is bogus.

Someone once said “be the man your mother wanted you to marry.” That’s convoluted. But I get the essence. Be all you can be. Then hold out for someone worthy of you. No credit cards. Put all your cash down on the right number, then spin the wheel. I hope you win big.

Two Ages -- Alive and Not

You’re only young once but you can be immature forever. At some point we reach an age we never thought we’d be. And then the decades just keep flying by. There’s some stinking thinking that can be triggered by children who are embarrassed by you, sagging flesh, unflattering photographs of yourself, the tendency to gain weight by merely thinking about certain foods, and those fun little forgetful moments. My personal favorite is telling someone one of my best stories and having them say, “yeah, that’s what you said,” as their eyes glaze over. It’s true that we change as we age. Some ways are inevitable, and some are not. You can think “old” in your twenties. And you can think “young” into your 90s and maybe even beyond. Bob’s 90-something Aunt Mercy gave a spirited performance of classic songs at the Lopez family reunion. I can still see Frederee, my second mom, putting on a CD and dancing a little on her 90th birthday. She kept up with the times. She told her stories of the old days too, but also stayed hip to the here and now.

What are other secrets to staying young at heart? Keep your aliveness and enthusiasm for life. I am not of my kids’ generation and I don’t try to be, but we are inter-generational friends. My life on Facebook isn’t all about them. There’s a “Sue” in there beyond all my roles of wife, mom, grandma, and employee.

I went out last Friday night to hear a friend’s band and I jumped on stage and sang some harmonies. Muscled in, I guess. While off stage I danced, met new people (some in their 20s, others in their 60s), and (perhaps annoyingly) bounced a beach ball around the crowd. I could tell who was old inside and who was young inside. Old people don’t want to play. They want to talk. And they rarely want to listen. Old is not an age. It’s a state of mind. I may have life stages, but I don’t need to make age relevant to my ability to bond with people. Love is ageless.