A Good Home for the Puppy

I am learning some cool stuff from the educational books I read for my job. I learned about the four thinking types: Beach Ball, Clipboard, Microscope and Puppy.

I used to believe only linear and concrete people like the clipboards and microscopes made desireable job candidates. I would do my best imitation and hope to get the job, then get frustrated trying to tame my puppy-ness.

I was brave enough this time to be a puppy during the interview. Would you believe, it, they actually wanted a puppy?

Puppies are also known as abstract random thinkers. We like to talk about things. We live in a world of feelings and emotion and learn best when we can personalize information. And yes, we tend to take things personally. But I will be your loyal friend. Just throw me a bone and pat my head once in awhile!

Here's what's important to me in a work setting:

• Comfortable environment
• Encouraging atmosphere
• Supportive grouping
• Safe climate
• Respectful colleagues
• Empathic listeners
• Sensitive peers

This explains why my old work environment was so ill-suited to me. It was hard spending those five months in the shelter waiting for someone to take me home. I hope my new family is as happy with me as I am with them.

No matter what your brain type is -- it's wonderful to be wanted for exactly who you are. Be couragous enough to be yourself. It's worth it!

Cancer Sucks

Fight cancer with everything you've got.

On Settling

Six months ago I wrote the following...

"A wise friend told me to add something new you need to let go of something else. I'm about to let something go. Not my husband, don't worry. Let's call it a painful pair of shoes. You won't find the right shoes if you keep wearing the wrong ones. I need to trust in the pain. Pain is a sign that something needs attention. I'm willing to go barefoot, to step out in faith that I don't need to live in pain beyond the season I've suffered through. And if memory serves me right from having done this before, it won't be long before I say 'I stayed in those shoes too long.'"

Zoom to the present...

The barefoot months were painful too. More than I ever imagined. Second guessing was my favorite pastime. It felt like the scene from Dr. Zhivago in which Omar Sharif treks through the snow for what must be weeks or months. Was it worth it? Heck Yeah! Now that I'm on the other side of that journey I'm glad I trusted my gut. The hard part is that the pain can get worse before it gets better. Pick your pain. Settling is a chronic, soul-eating pain. Jumping off a cliff is an acute, frightening and LOUD pain. The point is that one leads to something new and the other doesn't.

Instead of settling, I'm CELEBRATING!

I'm so happy I didn't settle. Be bold, be strong -- God is with you.

Hush Money

Most relationships start out with lots of great talks about how you think a relationship should be. It's fun to share all your dreams and say "me too!" to your potential soul mate. Talking about it is one thing. Living it is another. The guy who wanted to be with you every night gets back to his night out with the guys. And she is having "headaches" more often. In exchange, he buys her a little bauble. Or she makes him a pie. He manicures the lawn but leaves a pile of dishes. She puts on a few pounds and says "don't be so superficial." More baubles. Maybe even a Plasma TV with a tricked out sound system. Or that SUV they "need." "Take this, honey, and please don't bring up that subject I'm so tired of arguing about." Hush. Here's some money. I'm not saying this is happening to me. But I recognize it as a weed that could grow if it's not ripped out in the early stages. It has the potential to snuff out intimacy, harden a heart and breed dishonesty like rabbits. It's the enemy we must keep at bay. The cure? Be honest. Respect the other person's honesty even when it's not what you want to hear. Do what you say. Make your words and actions line up. Recognize you may not get everything you want -- but if you have honesty and mutual respect, that is enough. There isn't enough money in the world to hush me. But, thankfully, there is enough love.

Too good to be true?

I think I have landed a dream job. I'm nervous even typing that. I feel like I have gone from a trailer park in a cold, dreary town to Beverly Hills. It's an amazing culture shock. I am lecturing myself to not talk about my ghetto past to my new cube mates. But the contrast is giving me a deer-in-the-headlights expression that defies Botox. The moral lesson here was eloquently explained by my second Mom Frederee -- "If something drags you down, turn it a-loose." And there is so much pressure to tolerate abuse. Don't. Please, don't. Move on. God is with you in seeking respect. You don't earn respect by tolerating disrespect. And don't listen to people who tell you to "just accept it." You are good. You are worthy of respect. Don't put up with crap. I put up with it for too long, thinking "it's just me," "it's like this everywhere," "the world has changed," and "I must be more tolerant." NO! I must be more persistent. Detach with love. Move on. Hang with people you admire and want to be like. Make the effort to improve and strive for excellence. The gutter is no place to hang out. Rise above. You deserve it. And you're worth it!

Skinny isn't Everything

I've lost 18 lbs. since last November. That's a lot for a vertically challenged person. Now that I'm at my "ideal" weight, I've had some revelations.

1) I'm still the same person no matter what my weight is
2) A stressful and sedentary desk job is an ideal situation for gaining weight
3) Loss of income is an ideal situation for losing weight
4) No matter what my weight is, health and self-acceptance are the truly important things
5) Now that people comment on my weight loss, I wonder if they were thinking before that I was really fat
6) I don't judge anyone for their weight and I won't join in discussions commenting on someone's weight
7) It is more fun to try on clothes when I'm happier with my weight
8) Losing the weight goes along with losing the negative self-talk about needing to lose weight
9) Losing weight is all about calorie reduction

There's no mystery to how I did it. I consumed significantly fewer calories. I decreased my portion sizes. I didn't eat between meals. I made healthier food choices, including yogurt shakes and salads. I was exercising about the same amount before and after the weight loss. If I crave something sweet, I just have a few bites. After a few weeks of withdrawal, I became full and content on less food.

It's so important to accept yourself as you are, make corrections with gentleness, and focus on being healthy. It's not about image. It's about being happy on the inside. Peace out.

Envy

So I wore green on St. Patrick's Day for nothing -- I could have worn my jealousy on my sleeve and been suitably bedecked. Envy, jealousy, coveting -- a blog topic by request. I wish I had something truly original, but I must quote Dr. Laura on this one. She said "no one gets two full sets of dishes." I think that's a variation on "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." (back to green -- how convenient) What would be considered "two full sets?" How about a stellar career, the intimate relationship of your dreams, loving children and a gorgeous home. (I would call it both love and money) And for how long -- all your life? I think what Dr. Laura is saying is that there are times you need to choose -- take the job that requires traveling for the money but leave your family -- or downsize your life because the money isn't flowing and risk finding out your mate loves the money more than she loves you. So one set of dishes is more important than the other set.

Then...we look at other people and make assumptions. That can really give us green eyes. But we rarely see them in proper perspective. Someone who looks wealthy may be up to their elbows in debt. A happy marriage could be a nightmare behind closed doors. Or that job could be lost, and that wonderful spouse could die. (getting dark here...)

So I default to the only attitude that works for me -- gratitude for each day, recognition that nothing belongs to me and remembering I'm not entitled to anything. I have this day. In every day there is much to be grateful for. Monthly payments and regular paychecks counter this way of thinking, to be sure. Worry be gone. Thankfulness -- bring it on. Envy is a choice I choose not to make. And if someone is envious of you -- maybe she needs a reminder of all she has to be grateful for. Like having a friend who cares enough to help her see that.