Frederee & Me

One of the subjects of many conversations in my work with educators is cultural sensitivity. I thought it was something I rarely thought about or experienced. I'm a WASP and was raised in a mostly WASPy neighborhood. I'm a white middle-class girl. I ate white bread, white rice, bologna, and mac 'n cheese. Today it hit me. I had two white parents and one bonus parent -- a woman of color named Frederee. Frederee's version of the story begins with my mom bringing me home from the hospital, handing me to Frederee, and saying "this one is yours." I was the fourth of four girls and a late-in-life "oops" baby. I didn't know what color anyone was or who had what place in the social statusphere. I didn't even know what food was yet. But I knew Frederee. And I felt her love for me. I experienced her "beneath her skin." I felt her heart. She did what moms do -- fed, bathed, rocked, carried, talked, and sang to me. I was about four years old the first time I commented on her skin color. I asked her why she was brown. She said it was the pigment in her skin. I heard "pigment" and I thought "pig" and "dirty," so I asked if I could wash the brown off. It meant nothing significant to me. It was just a feature like height or weight. And I still think of people of other cultures that way. Born in 1912, she had seen many historic events and had a lot of stories. She talked about race quite often. It struck me today that our relationship and her stories might make a good book. "Frederee & Me." I'm writing this now to commit this idea to existence. I'm excited. More to come.

Know when to walk away

A good friend of mine just broke up with her one-foot-in-the-door boyfriend. One foot just wasn't enough. Someone else close to me just left a job without having another one. I've been musing about the similarities and differences between relationships and jobs. No one says "be sure you have a relationship to go to before you leave." In fact, that is considered bad form. People don't usually call you a "quitter" if you leave a relationship that isn't working. Why is it different with a job? Because of money? Is settling for a job that isn't right for you until you can find something else noble? Why is staying in something you're not fully invested in more respectable than leaving? We're encouraged by our teachers and loved ones to "go for the best in life" and "reach for the stars." When you know you're in the pit, why would you stay there? There aren't any stars in the pit. You can't soar with the eagles when you're hanging out with turkeys. I wonder if more people left their jobs, especially due to bad managers, if it would help weed out the turkeys and improve companies. I really think so. Every time I have left a company after realizing it was not right for me, I've never regretted it. It hurts for awhile and adjustment can be difficult. But it just requires creativity. You don't earn respect by accepting disrespectful treatment. And you don't learn to fly by hanging out with turkeys. Likewise, you won't find your prince if you're afraid to leave a frog. Kenny Rogers had it right. "Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run." Sometimes you just have to take a gamble. I wish you a full house and no more snake eyes!

Focus on the Future

I’d love to write a recap of 2010. Actually, I’d love to want to. But I think I have broken the habit of looking back and I’d rather look forward. I’ve taken some time to count my blessings. And I’m grateful to have an awesome job and a wealth of love in my life. I’ve removed some thorns and done some pruning. My foundation is solid. Now I’m ready add some posts, beams, and framework to the life I want to build. Here’s my list:

Healthy eating and drinking. Keep a sober mind.

Aerobics classes.

Embrace learning.

Daily quiet time.

Pursue creativity in everything.

Be intentional about what I read, watch, and listen to. Seek the positive.

Nurture my spiritual life through learning, serving, and tithing.

Do some fun stuff with Bob.

It’s going to be a great year! God wants the best for His kids. I believe it and I claim His promises. Arise, go forth, and prosper. Love and peace out.