Spending eleven months searching for work and scavenging for freelance projects with all the scrappyness I could muster had a life-changing effect on me in more ways than I even realize. These are tough times, and my heart goes out to anyone who is un- or underemployed and worried about their financial survival. I have more compassion for people in general now. I will go out of my way to help anyone in that situation.
I don't care if I sound preachy. Lean on God. The first time a well-meaning friend said that to me (within days of my layoff), I wanted to say "thanks for the platitude -- what I need is income." He gave me the book "Jesus Calling" -- a daily devotional in the voice of Jesus -- and I read it with a bitter attitude. I spent some time blaming my ex-employer. I felt the reason for my layoff was bogus. I felt they were not truthful with me or the others who got the axe from them last year. I wanted to call them on their lack of integrity. Not that it would change anything, but you know that feeling when you want to say "do you really think I'm that stupid?" However, when I looked at the situation from a spiritual perspective, I realized the company is not God. It is made up of mere humans. God allowed it to happen. Give my blame and bitterness to Him. He knows I'm not stupid. And God knows what those mere humans did, even more than I do. He. Will. Handle. It.
I guess I'm getting more overt about my faith these days. I did not know much about God the first half of my life. I didn't understand the difference between religion and God. I perceived those who preached to me about God as zealots trying to convert me to their religion. They annoyed me and I felt judged by them. I never wanted to become one of "those people." I won't try to "convert" anyone. It all changed for me when I was dealt some cards I did not feel equipped to play, and a wise woman asked if I wanted God to help me with that. Ummm, you betcha. My perception changed. Looking at life through three dimensions instead of two is immensely helpful. There's more than I can see, and it's not all up to me. I don't do God's job and He doesn't do mine. Discerning the difference is a moment-by-moment process that I navigate through prayer.
There's a new book out called "Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers." If I didn't believe in God, whom would I thank? Who would help me? And who inspired my first word -- which was, not coincidentally, "Wow." I have more "wow" moments than I did eleven months ago. Thank you God. You really helped me. Wow.
