White space

I’ve been sort of blog clogged lately. I hope if I start typing some little insight will ignite and light up the page. I’ve been nose-to-grindstone the past few weeks and today is my first chance to take the bridle off my brain and let it wander in the pasture. I wonder if horses feel like this when they’re suddenly set free. Maybe that’s why they bolt. I could go for a good bolt about now. Just clean out the bank account, pack a few things, head for the airport, and just go somewhere. An adventure. Bolt, panic, pray. A one-way ticket. Greener pastures. Sunsets. Rainbows. Clear, warm water. I am probably overdue. Funny how we look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas as a break. But they’re not a break. Just a change of focus. And have you ever tried to travel on either holiday? I’d rather be at work! So I will start dreaming of a real vacation after the holidays. Beach or mountains? All-inclusive resort? (no grocery runs, no cooking, no dishes—nice!) Put a little white space in my life. Palm trees. Coconut oil. Pineapples. Macadamia nuts. Okay, this blog is meandering. But I’m smiling. Are you?

Love Floats

Obama’s Facebook post today:

“Today, there are more women in America's workforce than ever before, and their contributions are vital to the success of our economy. They have tirelessly balanced responsibilities to work, family, and community, strengthening our economic leadership and enriching our national life.”

My comment:

“We are not tireless. We are exhausted.”

I can cite all the reasons and my personal complaints. The economy tanked. Layoffs escalated, fear gripped our souls, and bullying bosses took advantage of the situation, throwing humanity overboard sinking ships, keeping the bare minimum and cheapest employees and overloading them with excessive and unreasonable responsibilities. I make less than I did at age 29 and it costs five times as much to fill up my gas tank. Even with two incomes we struggle to live within our means, and must take side work to pay for extras like tires, property taxes, and home repairs. And we don’t have minor children at home – no soccer fees, cheerleader uniforms, or daycare costs. Self-employed people have it worse as health insurance costs are skyrocketing. A self-employed friend of mine can’t afford insurance, had a heart attack, and now can’t work. I’d love to lower my expenses. But my home is worth $150,000 less than I paid for it, and selling it now is like giving that money to the bank. And I’m one of the lucky ones who still has two incomes and hasn’t had to foreclose. Anyone feeling me here?

Do I feel my contribution is “strengthening our economic leadership and enriching our national life?” No. I feel like I’m putting band-aids on the Titanic, and I sink further every year. I think most of us understand how we got here, but we don’t know how to patch up the ship. How do we find happiness in our sinking dreams? My faith gives me a larger perspective, and helps me remember that life on earth is just tent camping. I can still love, care, laugh, and help others. It’s hard to let go of the expectation that success is possible with hard work. I guess I need to redefine success. No matter the obstacles, love is a choice. To love well is to be successful.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

―The Bible : 1 Corinthians 13:4

The Dance of Romance

Love, love, love. We all need it. So many people are hoping to find it. And a lot of us have gained and lost it. And found it again. What’s the secret? Is there a magic bullet? Nothing like a broad subject here. So I’ll narrow it down. 40+-something midlife love. Dating with baggage. Can you afford to get remarried? What about your kids’ needs for your time and money? Does your ex still push your buttons? Do you just want a bootie call? I mean, seriously, let’s get real. Some people want a sexual credit card. Enjoy for free, run when payment is due. Back to dating. Hoping for the best. Feeling like you’re half blind and searching for gold in the darkness. Tripping over things you can’t see coming. Wondering about the timing of things in your life.

Aren’t we supposed to find that ideal someone in our 20s, have kids, launch them when we’re in our 40s, and recapture the freedom and glow of fresh love grown richer over time? I envy the ones who found their true love that way. Others waited, found love later, and made life work outside of the ideal time frame. The patient ones.

However, the more common story is marrying Miss or Mr. “almost right” in the prescribed time frame with suboptimal results. You buy stuff and have kids. It keeps you busy and distracted from the unsolved relational issues. Then some deal breaker comes along – money problems, an affair, an issue pushed too far, or just that dull ache of “there must be something better.”

I’ve been there. And the real issue was my faulty decision making. I wish I had gone to decision school. Wouldn’t that be nice? “I have my bachelor’s in wise decision making.” There is no universal magic bullet. The closest I have come to untangling this one is rigorous self-honesty. And the realization that the arbitrary time frame is bogus.

Someone once said “be the man your mother wanted you to marry.” That’s convoluted. But I get the essence. Be all you can be. Then hold out for someone worthy of you. No credit cards. Put all your cash down on the right number, then spin the wheel. I hope you win big.