An example of a risk worth taking was my foray into singing. I stood on a stage in my 20s and dared to sing at Karaoke night. My knees were shaking. My voice barely came out. I had no idea how to hold or use a microphone. A friend came on stage to help me stay standing. I chose to face that fear. I muscled through. Over time I became more comfortable because I just kept doing it. Soon after, I read in the newspaper that the Conejo Valley Chamber of Commerce was holding a contest, and the winner would sing the National Anthem at Dodger Stadium. Entering the contest required a demo tape of me singing the Anthem and a story about what the Dodgers meant to me. I thought "this is a long shot -- but why not?" A friend at work had a home studio where I recorded the song -- complete with my own piano playing -- in Eb, no less. Writing about the Dodgers was easy as I had attended many games with my family. I could quote players' names, stats, etc. I was sitting at my desk at work when I got the call that I won! I screamed! I panicked! I had to get ready to sing in front of a stadium full of people! I decided I needed a demo tape to hand out if anyone "discovered" me, and a work friend referred me to Denny Martin, a local producer. Denny introduced me to songwriting. And I've loved this singing and songwriting journey I've been on for the past 20 years. All because I took a chance.
The lies I told myself are much more painful to reveal. They were usually reasons I should not take a chance, not step up, or an effort to fit into some role that I was not suited for and not passionate about. I did this a lot in my career. I became a "meet the deadline" adrenaline machine. My soul was lost in edits and rewrites that served the client's ego but not their true goal. I became tangled in a no-win situation. To speak up was career suicide; and not speaking up resulted in resentment. I gave away my power. I wanted all the perks without the responsibility -- without the risk. It used to work. Then, suddenly, it just didn't work anymore.
What makes one person a mailroom clerk and another a vice president? What are all these games people play to climb the corporate ladder? It's exhausting to think about. I do know that whatever role you are in, you can transcend it by putting your unique soul and love into it. I watched Frederee, who was a "maid" by profession, transcend that role into becoming my second mom. I'm sure that required taking risks. She was authentically herself and I instinctively trusted her.
What's the lesson? Taking risks is worth it. Being truthful with yourself keeps your soul's garden healthy and stops the seeds of resentment from taking over. It may not be comfortable. However, in my experience, making comfort the goal is an exercise in frustration. So I bid an official "good bye" to corporate America. You served me well for many years. I met some great people and I gained a plethora of valuable experience. But you are my past. Self-employment is my future. I am a singer, songwriter, writer, and a teacher. God made me this way, and He's got my back. The secret is being brave, and being truthful. No more false self, security seeking, or people pleasing. Just taking one brave step at a time. In love. In truth.
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