Facing "that thing"

Some of you knew exactly what I mean by "that thing" because you have one too. Those who don't get it, just go thank God. For the rest of us, you know, that "thing" that keeps you up at night, that gets under your bones and stabs at your soul. That "thing" that you want so bad and keep hitting brick walls as you try to achieve it. It could be losing 10 lbs., or 100+ lbs. It could be that you want a life partner and you keep meeting a series of Mr. or Miss Wrongs. People ask you what you're doing to attract this in your life. They try to help. They give advice. Or they are truly confounded and say things like "I'm just so lucky I met my soul mate and we are rapturously happy with very little effort." Or "I'm just naturally thin, and I've never had to work at it." Or "It was easy to build my practice. A friend retired and gave me all of her clients. I never had to cold call or advertise."

In my case, it's career fulfillment. Actually, it's income. We all need it. God knows we need it. God promises to provide. He has kept His promise. Just not the way I prefer -- with my earning enough money to take care of all my responsibilities. When more money goes out than comes in, hard decisions must be made every day. The obvious solution is to work toward earning more income. Get a job. Grow a business. So you swing the bat. You miss. You keep the faith and keep swinging. You try a different bat. A different sport. And before you know it you are lost in too many options and variables with no idea which one is going to get results. It's a loop I've been in for nearly two years.

If you are in this loop in any area of your life, you know what I mean. And just knowing someone knows what I mean is helpful. That's one reason I write this blog. I know I'm not the only one feeling what I feel. And what are those feelings? Discouraged. Frustrated. Confused. A very sore head from hitting closed doors.

Feelings aren't everything. Wallowing in them is not productive. But they serve a purpose, and probably a number of purposes. They keep you humble. They give us compassion for others. Pain acts as sort of a heart tenderizor. It deepens my faith. Who's going to love me in this unattractive state? God will. He does. I know that. But he doesn't give me everything I want when I want it. He makes me wait. He tells me "no" sometimes. He truly works in mysterious ways. I do not understand, but I hold onto my faith. And I pray.

So how do you pray about "that thing" you've been praying about for a long time? My prayers start with gratitude for what I have. I pray for guidance. I pray for courage and strength. I pray for knowledge of God's will and the power to carry it out. Maybe I don't see the value in the "non-thing things" I do like care for my home, my husband, my animals, loved ones and friends. It's hard to remember that vacuuming has value. Maybe cleaning can bring clarity. Maybe music will help bring harmony. Maybe "the thing" needs less attention rather than more. I don't know. So I pray. I vacuum. I clean. And I sing. None of those things has ever financially supported me. But maybe doing them has supported others. Every day I can do something that shows love to someone else. Then maybe one day, I'll have been so immersed in loving others that I will look around and find "that thing" has resolved itself.