Hype vs. Heart

I watched Oprah’s interview of Tony Robbins. He stood on the stage for a reported 10+ hours without a break, whipping the room into an “I can do it!” frenzy that culminated in each attendee walking barefoot across hot coals. Urging people to release their self-limiting beliefs and pursue their dreams, he shouted, “If you want to take the island, you’ve got to burn the freaking boats!” Is it hype? Or is it helpful? The answer is not either/or, it’s both/and. I do not respond well to “group think,” even if it’s positive. I have to run it through my own filter, based on my unique wiring and experiences, recognize the “aha” moments, and apply the pearls like seasoning to the work-in-progress casserole that is my life. I don’t just throw out what’s in the oven and start over. I have to work with the ingredients God gave me. Like artistry, spiritual enlightenment, and heart. I’m not saying I’m the only one with heart—just that my heart is like no other.

I’m wired to lead with my heart. Some people lead with the head. If I lead with the head, I actually get physically sick. My heart pounds in revolt. And I think the lesson I learned from Tony, Oprah, and others is that I need to listen to my heart more, not less. The principle works, just in a different way for me. As I wrote in one of my songs, my heart knows. My head kicks in like an older bullying brother, asking, “How does your heart plan on paying the bills? So you’re going to be an artist? You like starving? Don’t you know how tough that business is?” And he wants to lay out the plan and give me my marching orders to be followed in a systematic manner. “Ok, so you’re an artist. Here's the program.” Decidedly non-organic. Wait—am I back in corporate life? Is there room for any flexibility or spontaneity here? Am I a leader or a follower? What’s it gonna be?

My fellow spiritual journeyers say, “Press into the LORD. Spend time with Him. Make sure you have a daily devotional time.” My first reaction is, “So God is going to pay my bills?” Little rebel that I am, yet I crawled right back into the two-dimensional box with that response. Strike the buzzer, Alex. Wrong question. Life is multi-dimensional. Remember that every day. Again, both/and.

Here's the idea. Take time with God. Take time in creative artist land. Have goals and work toward them. Identify the enemies (fear, insecurity, low self-worth, self-pity, and over-intellectualizing for starters) and pray them away. Don’t focus on the results. Those are not up to me. Focus on one step at a time, day by day. Work toward my goals and pray for my desires. God promises to give me the desires of my heart—not my hype. So here we go. Heart, please take the lead.

Rocks

Bob and I took a drive through Hidden Valley and stopped outside a prominent billionaire's ranch. There were expansive green fields with white fences, a mansion, stables and many huge "rocks" -- boulders really -- imported from Thailand. They had to be shipped rather than flown in because they were too heavy to transport by air. (How I know this is a topic for some other time) I would guess each boulder is at least 20 feet tall. Those rocks are a metaphor for the stumbling blocks in my brain. Sometimes I just run into the same rock over and over...I know I've been there before but can't remember the key to getting around it. I feel stuck and a little crazy. I know people care about me, are praying for me and I can be hard on myself. I'm often seeking the answer in too small of a box. "Will I get this job? What will I do if I don't?"

Then I had an epiphany. A "zoom-out" experience. I still have value even if I don't get "that job." I matter even if I don't make money. My value is not in my achievements. My value is in who I am -- because God made me, and he didn't make no junk. I was forgetting that and falling prey to "toxic achievement syndrome." (I made up that term) There's nothing wrong with achieving or having goals. A wise person told me to "work toward your goals and pray for your desires." What's not healthy is holding myself accountable for achieving all my goals AND my desires. I create my own stress when I blame myself for what is out of my control. I strive for quality and get frustrated when I do not achieve perfection. Thus the beating of my head against the boulder.

So I'll keep swinging the bat. But I won't beat myself up with it.

Just for Today

Just for today I'll make friends with the pain
I won't run away, I'll just let it rain
And I'll feel, I'll be real
Let the tears fall where they may
Just for today

Just for today I'll surrender this longing
To take what I want when it's not what I need
Let it go, bare my soul
I'm letting go of the reins
Just for today

Tomorrow is too much to bear
And yesterday's what brought me here
Learning to live in this moment
Safe in God's hands

Just for today I'll step up to the plate
I won't run away, look myself in the face
Let God in, start again
I'm willing to do it His way
Let the tears fall where they may
Just for today

I sang this at a 12-step meeting last Saturday. I played guitar. It wasn't perfect. But it's ok. Living in the moment is so much less stressful than zooming out and focusing on the master plan. Because we never have the master plan. God has the puzzle box, and we have a few pieces. Play your piece. And pray for peace.

Being Human

Some famous philosopher said "to be is to do." Another said "to do is to be." Sinatra said "do be do be do." I find it very difficult to "just be." I can veg out with the best of them -- after I've DONE something. I've had seasons of being way too busy and I complained about it. I'm in a season right now where everything I do is my own doing. I don't have a boss, other than God. And if I am hearing God correctly through the words of the Bible and the counsel of my praying friends, the message is "rest in God's peace." There is a story in the Bible about Mary and Martha. (they were sisters and they had Jesus over for supper) Martha was ticked at Mary because instead of helping with the meal, Mary was listening to Jesus. Martha asked Jesus to rebuke Mary, and instead he stood up for Mary, saying she was doing what was best. I guess my point is that it's easier for me to be a "human doing" than a "human being." But I must trust that there are seasons for doing and seasons for being. While I'm "being" I hope I am "being prepared" for what I'm here on earth to do. For now, I'll be. Peace out.